Going where you've never gone before...

I try to learn something new everyday. But most of the time, that doesn't mean at Wal-Mart. The other day, I spent 20 minutes on a guest's cell phone as the guest's brother explained to me the various differences, pros and cons, of lever-, bolt- and pump-action rifles. Still had to wait until the regular staff returned to get the answer, which was "call back during the day and talk to the department manager about a special order."

I'm not a shooter. I'm not a hunter. I know nothing about weapons, ammo or what to kill with anything you might aim at them. I camp, I hike, I photograph. I don't know why people would want to fire paint loads at each other with compressed carbon dioxide. Apparently, my son tells me they hurt a little -- maybe a bunch if you get hit a bunch. Laser tag is fun. Pain is not fun. I try to stay up with hunting seasons just enough to stay out of the woods when people with alcohol and ammunition come through.

My naivete must be why they send me to sporting goods evenings to do lunches. Same reason they send me to the tobacco register, I guess. Never smoked, never chewed, never will. So I'm a complete idiot about all things in the smoke shop. Will this stuff work in your butane lighter? Hope so, but let's not try it here. Do we have that brand, or that type? Do you see it? Then probably not.

One manager once told me that "I present myself well." I think that means I'm polite when I'm telling them I haven't got a clue what they want. I don't get sarcastic when they tell me how Wal-Mart sucks and no one has a clue. We have three kinds of cashiers: 1) Ones that "present themselves well," 2) Ones that get flustered, cry, or quit under pressure; and 3) Ones that get sarcastic, rude or throw things. Since I'm in the first category, I get thrown into the sink-or-swim situations.

Cross training is a much discussed, but never implemented idea at Wal-Mart. We're short-handed, so we don't have staff to send you there when there's someone knowledgeable there to teach you anything. But when they're missing -- sorry, you have to go cover it. Do the best you can, and call a customer service manager or assistant manager if you run into something you can't handle (which you will). What you actually learn will be anything you observe when the manager is bailing you out.