What shall we wear?

If you've read the trade publications, Wal-Mart is going through some changes. It's impossible to stay on top of the retail world if you never change. So we're changing schedules to make sure we maximize staff when people are in the store (WOW, absolute brilliance). People don't just shop from 8-5 Monday through Friday any more. We need more staff evenings and weekends.

Also, the traditional blue (or red, magenta, green and brown) smocks are being retired. You know, the ones covered with associates' Wal-Mart pin collections. I once asked if that's how you tell how long someone has worked for the store -- it's inversely proportionate to the amount of empty space not covered with pins on their smocks.

Anyway, instead of the back of a smock saying "How may I help you?" we're supposed to say it. Anyone with any kind of customer service background doesn't need a smock to say that. But now everyone is going to go blue and khaki. Or is that tan and royal? Or brown and navy? Basically, the dress code depends on who you talk to. It's not going into effect until Feb. 1. Or probably later. You ever try to change what 1.8 million employees are wearing overnight? There aren't enough khakis in every Wal-Mart in the world for that.

Apparently, the change follows a new Wal-Mart top executive hire from Target. My thought is: Take your ideas back to Target. We don't want to be Target. We're No. 1. Now you go into Target, it's a red polo and khaki pants. Pretty soon, you will go into Wal-Mart -- blue polos, khaki pants. How imaginative.

I thought the smocks were great. Slip it on, you're in dress code. Now, there's the decision of where to change before work. No, I'm not going to start wearing some shade of blue and some shade of brown to my other job all day. Changing in the Wal-Mart bathroom? Who are you kidding?

Actually, it won't be uniform. Apparently any kind of tan-khaki-brown pants/skirt and any kind of royal-blue-navy shirt. So you might have a cashier in a navy blue sweater and a khaki skirt next to a customer service manager in a royal blue polo and brown slacks, and they'll both be in dress code. Pity the poor customer who comes into the store in brown cargoes and a blue sweatshirt. "Excuse me, sir, can you show me where the cosmetic department is? Overnight, people may remove two colors from their wardrobes. I know I consciously won't walk into Target in a red shirt -- it makes ME the Target!

Currently, it's easy to point a guest to a customer service manager. "Go over there and talk to that lady in the bright red smock. She can get you change (an RV permit, an associate to help you carry that plasma TV you are returning in from your car...). Now, everyone, even management, will be identical -- sort of. I'm not sure that's such a good thing.

Plus, where will we display our pin collection?